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Caption: A life well lived
Caption: In India, when an elderly person dies, they say it is as if a library has been burnt down.
For me, this happened this week.
My beautiful mum, well known on Twitter as @Gills_Mum, died in Myton hospice, Warwick after living with cancer for the last five years.
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Caption: So much knowledge.
So much experience.
So much love 💜
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Caption: Mum always loved reading so was indeed a library.
Here is her bookshelf with (some of!)
her favourite books.
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Caption: Until she had an accident three years ago and broke a bone in her back, Mum used to catch the 'little bus' into town every day - her favourite haunt was the local library.
Do you remember her blogs?
At 92, I was proud to see her confidently scanning her books through the digital system.
She wrote about it here.
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Caption: Mum came to live with us for the summer (2014) while we worked out what to do. I remember our constant search for more and more books and being unable to keep up with her insatiable - but discerning - appetite.
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Caption: We were very lucky that a new McCarthy and Stone development had been built right in the middle of Mum's stomping ground.
When I had first suggested she consider it, she'd called it 'Colditz'. Thankfully reason prevailed and mum agreed to move into 'Assisted Living'.
She wrote about the move.
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Caption: Inevitably, mum found it a big change and initially wasn't very happy.
Soon, it was obvious she was very happy indeed, but wouldn't admit it.
Then she admitted that she loved it!
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Caption: Mum made lots of friends.
Lovely feisty people trying to defy their mortality, just as she was. Soon we found ourselves having to fit in round her various social commitments.
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Caption: She carried on writing and blogging and became a Twitter personality in her own right, tweeting pithy comments and insights as @Gills_Mum.
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Caption: Being able to go and join her friends for lunch in the dining room every day was very important to Mum. We would join her whenever we could. Mum has always got on really well with @MrWhoseShoes 💜
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Caption: Mum was always very unassuming and understated. She had no idea just how popular she was - always kind, interested and putting everyone else first.
Caption: Mum wrote a hilarious (unpublished) poem about McCarthy and Stone and how the pricing was ... er... expensive.
I am a bit gutted that I can't find it at the moment – I will leave this page to add it when it comes to light hopefully. 😉
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Caption: Mum has always been proud of my 'Whose Shoes' work, especially where it concerned older people being treated with dignity and respect and staying as independent as possible.
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Caption: Mum was taken aback by the impact we had with #FreeGillsMum.
Throughout the time she has been ill, I have campaigned not only for Mum but for those who do not have family advocacy, reasonable knowledge of 'the system' and social media clout.
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Caption: And getting mum out of hospital in a timely manner, helping her regain strength and get a really good rehabilitation and care package meant that we had a 'bonus' 22 months together, most of which had great quality of life
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Caption: Who would ever have thought that Mum would be bouncing along in the back of a VW campervan last June, on the way to her granddaughter's wedding? Read the story here.
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Caption: We looked on with huge joy and pride.
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Caption: I loved it when I could find ways of taking Mum out of her comfort zone – and making her smile!
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Caption: And how could I forget Mum's wonderful 95th birthday party – complete with string quartet!
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Caption: As time went on, Mum started to get more obviously ill. Her strength was going and her reading and writing became less cognitively demanding.
At Christmas she was thrilled to receive a signed copy of 'Invisible Ink' by our friend Pippa Kelly. She read it but wasn't able to enjoy it and reflect on it in quite her usual way.
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Caption: Mum's apartment was the furthest from the dining room – and suddenly it became a very long way.
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Caption: We tried different ways of helping Mum to find the right books. I would take pictures and share photos on her iPad, so that she could browse as if she was in the library herself.
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Caption: But she wasn't sure what she wanted. The books weren't as good as they used to be. The meals weren't as good as they used to be… 😰
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Caption: I got mum a constant supply of yellow roses. I think she thought they lasted very well indeed. 😉
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Caption: And, instead of exciting books to read, the apartment started to fill up with folders from different care agencies. Mum wasn't impressed. She said "they spend all their time writing...." 😬
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Caption: The iPad has been absolutely wonderful. We would load it up with lots of photos and videos for Mum to enjoy, to carry on sharing family news.
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Caption: On Mum's first admission to Myton hospice, I read aloud from a book recommended by Flo, my #MatExp partner in crime: the story of the 100-year-old man who climbed out of the window to escape his hundredth birthday party in a care home. Mum loved it. But then she tried to climb out of bed…😱 So I thought we'd better stick to safer reading material.
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Caption: And just like #FreeGillsMum, Twitter friends sent mum lots of bits and pieces to amuse her. Morris dancing!
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Caption: We both knew that things were going pear-shaped really quickly. 😰
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Caption: We had 'carers' from @CareBureau who are paid to care choosing to neglect their client – and Mum's lovely hairdresser re-adjusting her schedule to fit in doing Mum's hair regardless!
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Caption: And like something from a TV comedy sketch our youngest son rocking up, announcing "You look nice Granny" and taking her off to have lunch sadly for what turned out to be almost the last time - leaving me floored with exhaustion amid the chaos of rapidly increasing needs and a system that cannot keep up.
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Caption: Mum rose to Flo's challenge to find a reason why 'today is the greatest'.'
A massive tribute to her positivity and lack of self pity.
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Caption: It was very moving to see everyone going the extra mile. Mum is very well loved by all.💜
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Caption: So it was faithful 'Bob the street cat' who saw Mum to the end of her days. Mum loves cats and it's been her favourite book for the last year or so.
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Caption: And lovely friends came to read too.
I hope that familiar voices reading Mum's favourite book made her feel secure and loved.
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Caption: We had some laughs too. My Classics education immediately made me want to know whether this was a noun or a verb. I told one of the night staff, who had a sense of humour, that my dad would have been very excited by this notice. They changed it the next day and said that mum was 'bedbound'. 😬
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Caption: And typos aren't great when you are sitting in a chair staring at them all day!
It gave me the opportunity to have some wonderful conversations with people about the work I do.
Language is a regular theme of
Whose Shoes, across all topics!
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Caption: On Mum's second admission, it was very poignant to see the daily paper being left unread. Ever since I can remember as a little girl, my parents always read the Daily Telegraph. It is always the little things that act as the unseen triggers. I was in bits. 😰
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Caption: Myton hospice
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Caption: Two weeks ago 💜
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Caption: My school friend Theresa DID make it up (from London) to see Mum. We celebrated 50 years that they have known each other. Theresa's mum died young and since then she has called my mum 'Mum', so it was a very special meeting last weekend.
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Caption: Dear NHS.
If you are missing any equipment, it is probably chez @Gills_Mum. We will get it back to you as soon as possible.
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Caption: Fascinating final conversations with Mum. It obviously still rankled with her that she never managed to beat Dad at tennis! 😂
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Caption: So grateful to my lovely family who pulled together and made Granny's final days really special.
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Caption: I am a bit reclusive at the moment, giving myself a chance to reflect and collate some very special memories of Mum. I know that once I throw myself back into my work, I will not get this opportunity again. I'm not sure how quickly I can bounce back this time. But one of my lovely friends is holding a coffee morning on Thursday afternoon – I aim to be there!
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Caption: Such beautiful, generous flowers from our Twitter friends, now 'real life' friends.
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Caption: Rest in peace, dear Mum
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Caption: We are so grateful to the wonderful staff at Myton hospice for all their dedication, compassion, care and support. Looking forward to doing a bit of fund-raising with you!
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Caption: Hoping to lineup three lemons next time! 🍋🍋🍋 #MatExp
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Caption: God bless, my lovely @Gills_Mum. 💜 xxx
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