BOMB-ASS BREAKFAST BURRITO

Start your day with a #fuckyeah

If you're like most dudes, you probably eat cereal for breakfast. Like, the same Frosted Flakes you chomped before you had armpit hair. If that's the case, Tony the Tiger has a message for you: You're not grrrreat. You're a loser. It's time to grow the fuck up and eat some real food. Cast Iron Mayhem is here to help.

Today we're gonna make a breakfast burrito. Before you wrap it up, it'll look something like this.

BOMB INGREDIENTS

Go to your local co-op or farm stand for the good stuff, or poison yourself with Big Ag garbage. #itsyourlife 1. Kale (mine's from the garden) 2. Tomatoes (heirloom if you're legit) 3. Garlic SCROLL πŸ‘‡ 4. Bacon (from happy pigs) 5. Some kind of hard cheese 6. Eggs (cage free, duh) 7. Green onions 8. Cilantro 9. Butter 10. Olive oil 11. Some kind of tortilla

Start by throwing the bacon in your cast iron skillet. Cook it on low to render the fat. You'll need that later.

While the bacon is sizzling and filling your house with sumptuous olfactory yums, chop some green onions and garlic. Yes, I chop that fast.

Hook your dog up with some bacon grease in her dog food.

But make her work for it.

Fry the green onions and garlic in the bacon grease.

Once the onions & garlic have flavored the grease, toss in the tomatoes.

THEY'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Some people say you should never put tomatoes in your skillet because the acid destroys the seasoning.

Remove the kale stems, rough-chop it and add it to the skillet. Stir it until it's coated with tomatoey-garlicky goodness.

While you let that redolent melange simmer into what a fancypants would call a "compote," grate some fromage.

"Now is ze time on Sprockets vhen ve dance."

-Dieter

Get a bowl and put the compote in it. Chop some green onions and cilantro while you're at it and throw 'em in a Japenese ramekin.

Add some butter & olive oil to a smaller skillet and coat all the edges. Fat tastes good & keeps eggs from sticking. Low heat is essential.

"It's the journey, not the destination."

- Every clichΓ©-spewing #yolo douche on the Internet

Crack the eggs into the skillet & let the whites firm up before you break the yolks.

"Like many captive animals, I was forced to do terrible things. Promoting the USDA Food Pyramid to innocent children was the worst. Real tigers don't eat cereal."

-Tony the Tiger

HOPEFULLY . . .

. . . you had the sense to pre-warm a tortilla. Now pile everything on there and throw it in the oven to melt the cheese.

#WRAPTHISPIECE

Please observe a moment of silence while I add some homemade tomatillo salsa and . . .

And now, the moment of truth.

Total Prep & Cook Time > 3 hrs. Total Consumption Time < 3 mins. (Yes, that's Nick Nolte's mugshot on the coozie. You can get Pee Wee, James Brown, Charlie Sheen, RD Jr., & many more on eBay.)

#YOLO MF'ERS

Thanks to the Bozeman Co-op for having bomb-ass produce and John Smith Ranch local pork. Thanks to Big Sky Brewing for the beer. Music by Flex & Morphamish. Thanks to Arty for doing the dishes.

@elliottwoods #castironmayhem #lifewitharty

#bozeman #montana #foodporn #food #foodphotography #foodie

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